改變

深林　畫作

The Walk

(Based on personal experience)

            “Now what on earth did you do that for!?” Ray yelled at Bob.

            Bob was a new comer in this company.  He tried hard to make a good impression on everyone.  He actually was quite successful; many people liked him—except Ray, one of the supervisors. 

            In fact, Ray yelled at anyone who crossed his way.

            “Sorry, sir, I…” Bob struggled to explain, “I didn’t…I wasn’t….”

            “I’ve said a thousand times, if not a million: do not leave anything on my god damn microwave!  Now get rid of your god damn coffee from there, would ya?”

            “Sorry, yes, I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to…” Bob left the room with his damn coffee.

            Outside, some people looked at Bob with a strange mix of smirk and sympathy.  “You’ve met the king, haven’t you?” Adam, a co-worker, came over and patted Bob’s shoulder.

            “What’s his deal?” Bob lowered his voice, still looked at Ray’s direction.

            “Don’t worry, he’s not really a bad guy; his bark is way worse than his bite.  It’s just his personality.  You’ll get used to it in no time.  I promise.”

            “I’ve never seen anyone like that,” Bob’s eyes were still wide open.

            “Welcome to the company.” Adam patted him again on his back.

            “I’ve heard he wasn’t this bad before his first wife divorced him.” Amanda, another co-worker, added.

          “I heard differently,” Adam said, “his first wife divorced him because of his temper.”

            “When I heard he got married again I almost fell off my chair!” Amanda said.  “That brave woman!  Somebody should give her a medal.”

            “It won’t last,” Adam sneered.

            “Well, it’s been 8 years.” Amanda shrugged.

            “Unbelievable.” Bob shook his head, took a sip of his coffee.

            Ray was glad that Bob was straightened out.  Now he was going to enjoy his favorite double cheeseburger.  After this burger I’ll hit the gym; I promise.  He told himself.  He was in his 50s.  His hairline was receding, and his belly was blocking his view to his toes.  He knew he should exercise more, and he always told himself tomorrow he would definitely do it. 

            Just when he was about to take the first bite, his office phone rang.  He grudgingly picked it up.  “What?”

            “Ray?  What’s up?” The voice sounded pleasant.  It was his cousin Zach.

            “What do you want?” Ray sniffed. 

            “Nothing, just to say hi.”

            “Spit it out.”

            “OK, ok, I’m just wondering…you know, my lawn mower just broke this morning, and my neighbor is out of town; since you guys are coming to visit tomorrow, can I borrow yours?”

            Ray rolled his eyes.  Please, he’s so cheap!  Last time I used his coffeemaker and now he’s trying to get even?  “Well, Zach, I’m not sure…”

            “Why not?”

            “I’ll have to ask Allison.”

            “I thought you’re the only one using it.”

            “You know what?  I’m having lunch here, why don’t you call back later?”

            “Oh, well, ok…”

            “Bye.” He hung up right away.  Yea right, let you use my stuff, like that will happen.  I’ll deal with it later. Ray took a huge bite of his burger and sighed with relief. 

            Ray was staring at his watch and counting: ten, nine, eight… At the moment it turned 5 o’clock, Ray instantly walked out of his office with his briefcase and a lunch box.  There was another cheeseburger inside for him to enjoy on the way home. 

            He walked out of the gate, expecting he would see Allison waiting for him already.  His car broke down a week ago, and for a week Allison had been faithfully waiting for him right on time.  He specifically told her to pick him up right at 5.  Not one minute late.  Five.

            But today Allison wasn’t there.  He frowned.  He sat down on a bench right outside the company building. 

            “What’s up, Ray?  What are you doing here?” Adam walked out of the door.

            “Waiting for my wife.”

            “What happen to your car?”

            “In the auto shop.  It just wouldn’t start.”

            “Sorry man.  You need a ride?”

            “No, I’m fine.”

            “You sure?”

            “Of course.”

            “Ok, I’ll leave you alone then.  See you later.”

            Ray waited a bit longer.  She’s terribly late.  She must have forgotten.  I knew it; I knew sooner or later it’s gonna happen.  She’s so forgetful.  Ray checked his watch again.  5:03.

            Holding the lunch box, he lost his appetite.  How could she let me wait here?  For such a long time?  Ray reached to his pocket and took out his cell phone.  He was debating whether to call her or not.  The problem: he purchased the cheapest phone plan—$2 per day for unlimited calls, and no charge at all if not making or receiving any call that day.  He hadn’t made or received any call yet.  I’m not gonna throw away $2 just for her mistake.  I’m gonna wait. And she better shows up quick.

            It wasn’t until 5:15 that Ray realized that she might not come at all.  All the other co-workers were gone, and there was nobody he knew around.  He wasn’t thrilled with the idea of walking home: it was a 2-mile walk; the sun was shining above, and the air was dusty.  He started cursing.  For Christ’s sake, she just doesn’t care; I’ll bet right at this moment she’s in salon doing her hair, or in the mall shopping and enjoying herself.  I’ll bet she fucking totally forgot about me. This is so typical of her. 

            5:29.  Ray finally got up.  Ok, enough of this shit, I’ll walk; I’m always the one who sacrifices anyway.  When she sees me she’ll know how guilty she is.

            He started walking home. 

            It really wasn’t a pleasant walk.  It was cold that morning so Ray brought a jacket.  Now it was too warm, but it was easier to put that damn jacket on because he already had his briefcase and a ridiculously big lunchbox in his hands.  Merely 5 minutes into the walk, the heat caught between the jacket and his body was already boiling; the up-and-down road surely wasn’t helping the situation.  Holding that lunchbox not only annoyed him, but also made him look stupid.  He cursed some more. 

            Some dogs barked from distance.  Ray was never a dog person; especially big dogs.  Whenever he sees a big dog his heart pounds.  I hope they’ve locked their dogs.  It sounds like too far to be a threat though, guess I’m safe anyway.

            But the dogs barked some more.  Wait, it’s way closer now.  Ray’s neck muscles tensed.  He looked to his right.  Two huge dogs as big as lions were running toward him.  He could see their white fangs.  Ray totally froze; in fact, he was paralyzed.  There was nobody around, and it was literally impossible for him to outrun these dogs.  He had only one thought: oh Fuck!  I’m gonna die!

            Before he could move a muscle, the two lions were already right in front of him.  Their mean look turned to curiosity, their barking was replaced by sniffing.  He let them did whatever they wanted.  About 5 seconds later they lost their interest and sniffed the grass instead.

            Ray almost soiled his pants, but he managed to keep walking.

            Some cars zoomed by.  Several drivers glanced at him.  Fine, just ignore me, or better yet, look at me like I’m a clown.  Don’t offer any help. 

            Suddenly, a car turned around.  A middle-aged man in the car rolled down the window.  “Hey man, where’re you going?”

            “…Fairview street.” Ray uttered.

            “Want a ride?”

            He hesitated.  What does he want?  Why’s he acting nice?  What’s the catch?  “…I’ll walk.”

            The guy nodded and drove away.

           

            When Ray finally got home, it was 6: 26.  He was puffing like an old dog and sweating like a pig.  The garage was empty.  Fine, she must be looking for me now.  Let her panic.  She should be sorry.

            He opened the door.  To his surprise, Allison was sitting on the sofa.  Her eyes and nose were red.  She stood up: “Why are you so late?  Is everything ok?”

            What the shit is this?  She hasn’t realized her mistake?  “You forgot to pick me up!” Ray grumbled.   

            “Why should I pick you up?  You drove the car to work this morning.”

            Ray paused. 

            “I’m sick so I took a day off, remember?” She sniffed.

            “I…” Suddenly, his mind totally went blank.  Then everything was clear: right!  He was the one who drove the car this morning!  Now the car was parking in the company’s parking lot.  Shit!  Shit, shit, and shit!  How could I be so stupid?

            “Oh my gosh, so you walked home!?” Allison’s eyes wide open.  “Look at you… oh my, your shirt is soaked!  Why don’t you take that off and sit down?  You want some water?”

            “No… I mean, yes.” Ray said sheepishly. 

            “Why didn’t you call?” She handed him the water.

            “I… uh, I…” he couldn’t find a reason to tell her.

            His cell phone rang.  He picked it up.  “Yes?”

            “Hi Ray, Zach here.  So… did you ask Allison about the lawn mower?”

            “What Lawn mower?” The phone was loud, Allison overheard it and was puzzled.

            “Yes, you can borrow it.” Ray said weakly.

            “Really?  Thanks man!  So you’ll bring it tomorrow?”

            “Yes.”

            “Great!  Thanks!  You’re the man, Ray!”

            He hung up. 

            “So…you have to walk back to get the car?  You still need to work tomorrow.”

            Ray feebly nodded.

            “Well, think of it this way: you’ve got all the exercise you need for today.  Maybe for this week.” Allison giggled.  Ray laughed too, though it looked more like sobbing. 

            To think that he had to walk another 2 miles of uphill and downhill, to face that two stupid lion dogs again, and to bear the heat once more, Ray was completely numbed.  That was totally, fucking stupid.  Usually when shitting things happened, Ray was able to find someone or something to blame.  He was quite talented at it.  But no luck this time. 

            He got up and dragged himself to the door.  He had to walk back right away, and he had to be quick before it got really, really dark.  They lived in countryside, and there were very few streetlights. 

            When he opened the door and looked at the road extended far away, seemingly into the sky, he shook his head with only one thought in his mind.

            That was totally, fucking stupid.  What can possibly be worse?

            Then he realized: the phone call.  It just cost him $2.

奇妙恩典（Amazing Grace）－比拿破崙偉大的英雄（William Wilberforce）

Amazing grace!
How sweet the sound
That sav’d a wretch like me! .....

這首「奇妙恩典」（Amazing Grace）大家不一定會唱，但大概聽過。它在美國蓄奴時代的南方尤其流行，以至於當我們聽到這首歌時，都會聯想到黑人和他們的教會。

然而，令人驚訝的是：這首歌的作者卻是英國人－－而且是個痛悔的奴隸販子。

***

兩百多年前的英國，在某一個年輕人的家裏來了幾個客人。這些人在晚餐當中給這年輕人看了會讓人倒胃口的東西：腳鐐、手銬、頸圈，並告訴他許多令人驚悚震撼的悲慘故事。其中一個客人給他看自己身上被燒烙的記號。

他們不是什麼馬戲團或恐怖片演員。這些人多半是宗教或政治界的無名人士，來拜訪這個年輕人只有一個目的：說服他從政，改變一個慘絕人寰卻被當時的人們視為家常便飯的行為：奴隸販賣。

這個年輕人的名字你一定沒聽過，然而在深林看來，威廉．威爾伯福斯（William Wilberforce，1759 - 1833）比恰好同時代的拿破崙更有影響力，更應該被記念，更要受到後世的尊重。

威廉．威爾伯福斯

去年（2006）出品的電影「奇妙恩典」（Amazing Grace）講述的就是威爾伯福斯終其一生不斷為停止販賣奴隸而奮鬥的片斷故事。當時是十八世紀末與十九世紀初，英國是當時的世界第一強權，許多政客富商都是靠著在國外擁有的殖民地產品致富。然而殖民地的農產不會自己長，僱自己人又太貴，他們乾脆到非洲抓免費勞工。

從非洲到牙買加，當時蔗糖的最大出口地，坐奴隸船至少要三個星期以上；那還是天氣好的時候。在這將近一個月裏，被抓的黑奴－－男人、女人、和小孩，全被鐵鍊鎖在比棺木還窄的窄小空間（1.2公尺ｘ0.45公尺，比包裝一個木琴的箱子還小一點），一個小洞給他們大小便；三天之內那洞就盈滿穢物和血，從不替他們清理。空氣中充滿惡臭，只有一些髒水可喝；到目的地時，通常能活著下船的不到一半。有時為了娛樂，奴隸販子把女人倒吊起來強暴；有病重的就丟到海裏。　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　

電影「奇妙恩典」劇照
威爾伯福斯完全不能忍受這世界有這種事，而且是發生在自己的國家，他發誓一定要把這個可恥的行為從根拔除。於是他接受好友，英國史上最年輕的首相，小威廉彼得（William Pitts the Younger，1759 - 1806）的建議而投身政治，在英國國會中活動，嘗試通過禁止奴隸販賣的條款。

然而，改革幾乎從來不會立刻得到迴響的－－特別是當它牽涉到既得利益者的時候。威爾伯福斯和這一小撮良心政治家宗教家苦戰了十餘年，奮力激起大眾的注意，不斷尋找證據呈現給國會議員們，所得到的是不斷的挫折、冷漠、譏笑，和一次次的法案闖關慘敗。

然而在這段慘澹時刻，有人卻傾其全力支持他和法案，其中一個人叫約翰．牛頓（John Newton，1725 - 1807），是威爾伯福斯年輕時的傳道師。他就是奇妙恩典這首歌的作者。

約翰牛頓年輕時走上了奴隸販子這條路，開著一艘大船往返大西洋，把黑人成堆送到牙買加蔗園地獄。這樣過了好幾年，終於有一天，他碰上了一個大風暴，奴隸船在如山巨浪當中就像脆弱的火柴棒幾近毀滅。他在這瀕死的時刻中他向天祈禱，饒了他的命，讓他活下來。

他活了下來，同時也開始認真思考販賣奴隸的正當性。放棄了奴隸販子之後，他最後成為一個傳道師，用後半生的時光和精力努力彌補過去的錯誤。他的努力影響了許多人，使得這股清流勢力不至於消失，即使是在最無望，最令人沮喪，一切的努力都看似付諸流水的時候。

詩歌「奇妙恩典」的作者，前奴隸販子，約翰牛頓

但這真的是長期的奮鬥。拿破崙的崛起觸發英法戰爭，人民的注意力全被轉向歐洲大陸，這時再提販奴的事不但引不起人們的興趣，甚至可能會自找麻煩。所有的力量都沒有得到回應，一切都好像在與這群孤立的人們作對。

令人驚訝的，威爾伯福斯沒有放棄。他仍然一次次地提出法案，企圖喚起眾人的良心。而歷史也告訴我們：只要一個人夠持久，他必定會得到對手的尊重。英法戰爭和緩之後，這一小群清醒人士想到了一個精巧的針策，迂迴地提出看似不相干的法案，果然得到令人振奮的巨大進展；再過了幾年，國會終於被他感動，通過禁止販賣奴隸條款。當法案被宣佈通過時，威爾伯福斯站在眾議員當中接受熱烈的鼓掌致意，淚水滑落他的面頰：十幾年的孤獨奮戰，面對嘲弄懷疑和孤立的痛苦和無止盡失敗的屈辱，都值得了。

這段奮鬥史是英國人權及民主史上又一個巨大貢獻。一小群沒有名聲財富，不追求名利，只為了對人類盡一份心力，為了完成對其它人們不幸及痛苦的自覺使命，而對最低下，最不相干的人們伸出無私的援手。在法案通過的一刻，某議員領袖，查爾斯福斯（Charles Fox），站出來說：「當人們談到偉大人物時，他們想到的是像拿破崙這樣的人物－－有強大力量的人物。他們很少想到和平的人。但是當他們從他們的戰場回到家裏時，所得到的歡迎卻是完全相反：拿破崙威風凜凜，達到世人眼中至高的榮耀，但他的夢卻時常被更多戰爭的夢魘所壓迫。而威爾伯福斯將回到他的家人中，將頭放在枕上，回憶著：奴隸販賣已成歷史。」

誰說拿破崙才是英雄？

威廉．威爾伯福斯的銅像

考倒老師的數學謎題

深林小時候數學本來還好，四年級之前考試都是九十分以上。然而一升上五年級，第一次考試竟然不及格（還是六十出頭，我忘了），從此視數學為畏途，永遠是最後一名。也許不是最後，但差不太多了。

這個改變影響了我一生。我害怕任何跟數學相關的事物，認定自己必然無法克服。國中三年被數學老師虐待，每天都是噩夢連連；高中數學一樣及格邊緣，如危巢之卵。於是，我放棄自己喜歡的生物，改走社會科，雖然生物老師努力想改變我心意。準備聯考時，我決定用功拉起的是英文，因為數學「沒有藥救」。

到了美國，大家知道他們的數學程度真的很基本，入學前我考程度考，我竟高分通過，完全不必再拿。我想他們真的要求不高。但是後來選主修時，我一樣沒有考慮自己一直喜歡的生物和物理，甚至後來在選擇心理研究所時，老師推薦我讀生化心理學（研究大腦），我一樣是害怕自己數理能力不好而沒考慮。

所以，今天我走社會心理學，可以說一大半因素是對數學沒信心的關係。只是現在的社會心理雖沒有直接接觸到數學，統計卻是一堆，我還是沒能完全逃過這燙手山芋。

但是，其實我不討厭數學。我甚至曾經無聊時買數學書來看，雖然不是很懂。所以，當前幾天看到新聞報導說到有一題小學數學題目竟無人能解，連老師也不懂時，竟引發了我的興趣：












這題目我看過！它就是小學五年級時把我考得信心全失的其中一題！！

（題目：ABCD是正方形，邊長為1公尺，求斜線部分面積）

我決定再向它挑戰一次。它真的看起來不難，很簡單的圖形，應該不會需要很高級的技巧罷？

我開始想。左思右想，上天下地，前搖後擺，大概半小時還是一個小時之後.... 我解出來了。

哈！！我解出來了！我竟解出這個數學老師也被難倒的題目！

大家一定要問：我怎麼那麼有信心，知道自己的方法一定就是答案？老實說，我不知道。雖然我找不出不對的理由，但誰知道？也許我竟是錯的。所以深林開於這問題給大家，若有興趣，我們來聊聊討論一下。意者請至兩性戰國討論區（www.genderwars.org），不用給明確答案，只要談如何解題就好。

最後，告訴大家：永遠向極限挑戰。你不知道那天自己竟能突破限制。

你真的需要這麼大的房子？

這陣子因為挨家挨戶推銷童軍的爆米花，見識到了一些有錢人的房子 。有的房子不是深林說，簡直大得跟總統府一樣，你要是不知道還會以為是進了什麼榮星花園還是觀光地點 。深林想：到底是什麼樣的人賺什麼樣的錢，才能住到這樣的房子？

深林從祖宗十八代窮到現在，窮到骨子裏，別說大房子，只要能有個屋頂擋雨和四面牆擋風就謝天謝地 。有時我們全家出遊，到個比較好一點的旅館我們就高興得像中了獎券，多希望就賴著不走 ，當然不知道住大房子會是什麼滋味 。如果有一天能給它真的時來運轉，住到那樣的房子，那真是全天下最幸福的事了.....相信有讀者和我心有戚戚焉。

然而，做夢歸做夢，真的住到那樣的房子，我就快樂了嗎？

回想當初剛搬來這小鎮時，我們住的是一個小得可憐的地下室：

（這只是網上隨便抓下來的圖，跟我們當初住的地方擺設不同，大小卻差不多）

那時我在學校第一年，一天到晚都在部門忙，沒心想有的沒的，老婆卻整天在家，把她整慘，悶在暗無天日的地下室差點沒掛掉 。一家五口哪！大家想想。

那個時候，我們多麼希望能夠有一個大一點的地方，有窗戶可以看到外頭的天氣和花草；我在想只要能這樣我們就心滿意足了....

運氣來了：一年之後，我們果然搬到一個大得多的地方。

是兩層樓又加地下室的Townhouse；

吃飯還可以望出去，看著一大片後院景色。









有種菜的園子，而且有個大地下室－－光是這個地下室就幾乎要跟我們那時住的地窖差不多大。

記得剛搬到這新居的時候多麼高興，想說美夢成真了.....

沒想到，才不到兩年，我已經在肖想更大的房子：

這個；








這個；









或這一個也可以。







我知道：就算三生有幸真的住到這樣的房子，不要兩年我又會肖想再大的房子。

小時就聽過這句台語：人心不足，蛇吞象。還是心存感謝，無欲則剛好一點。

***

不知道有沒有和大家說過一個經驗？沒關係，再說一次也無妨。

深林曾看到過一對中年夫妻，太太微胖，沒有看清外表，但應該還不錯的，算嬌小型；先生卻是個大塊頭，看來其貌不揚，而且衣服也不知為何穿得蠻邋遢。

然而，那太太的眼神常停留在他身上，好像還掛著微笑。

她愛她的先生吧，我想。可是，為什麼呢？他又沒有好看的外表；況且那樣的身材我不認為有多健康強壯。不然，是他會賺錢？但是這樣她愛的應該是錢，不是他。或者，是她天生需要依賴人？那有可能，不過……誰知道？她更可能是正常人。

也許，那就是看透表面的，無條件的愛吧。

我忽然有些感動：有人能夠這樣無條件地愛你，欣賞你，不在乎你的外表或弱點（或者說，能夠包容，了解），應該會是很好的感覺。

我想，那才是真正應該珍惜的東西罷？若是有了大房子，卻沒有一個真正包容你，關心你的人的眼神，那會多麼空洞。

辦公室戀情，該不該？行不行？（下）

根據工商業心理學家的建議，辦公室戀情最好注意下列幾點：

一．絕不在辦公時間談情說愛
　　這個意思是不要在該工作的時間拋媚眼，打情罵俏，傳曖昧紙條或郵件，躲在某房間上下其手，甚至下班後在辦公室裏「辦事」；幫忙把領帶弄正，拂去衣服上的灰塵，叫對方小名，故意碰觸撫摸等親密動作也不妥當。換句話說，要和同事談戀愛，不要在辦公室，不然會給人家不尊重工作，態度輕浮的感覺；你的老闆更可能會質疑你到底有沒有在專心工作。

二．絕不接非必要的共同出差機會
　　而且若真出差，絕不訂相鄰的房間。你如果想藉這機會發展戀情，隨便你；但絕不，絕不要給人那種在濫用公司的錢談戀情的印象。

三．不要四處張揚。最好也不要跟同事等大談進展。

四．最好，最好不要跟上司或下屬談戀愛
　　如果你不想成為眾人流言的主題，如果你不想在升遷時被人懷疑是靠關係，或是被同事嫉恨，甚至抵制的話，最好不要跟上司或下屬談戀愛。更糟的情況是若戀情失敗，很可能有一方將會丟工作。
　　當然，有時愛情就是發生了。若真的發生，最好的方法是倆個人討論，誰申請調走到別的部門，甚至可能的話，另一個工作。這樣才可能避嫌。某超市經理和女收銀員談戀情進而同居，代價是換另一個工作－－比本來的年薪低了三十多萬。他花了三年的時間才被調到同樣薪水。不過他倒很開明：「我很敬佩他們的決定：要我離職，而不是叫她。」他說。

五．了解並尊重公司的政策；最好也了解過去公司如何處理類似情況。

六．絕不－－絕不搞婚外情。那後果只有身敗名裂。

七．要有清楚的界限
　　公事是公事，私事是私事，不要混為一談；也絕不要把私事拿到辦公室來吵架。

八．不要完全拒絕可能的辦公室戀情－－你／妳可能將丟棄掉一個美好的姻緣。

（完）

辦公室戀情，該不該？行不行？（上）

張英俊和王美麗是同事，兩個人的辦公桌就互相靠著。也不知道什麼時候開始，他們發現了共同興趣，相同的理念，喜好，理想.....等等。他們越走越近，終於私訂終身。

但是他們害怕被別人發現，尤其是上司：他們怕事情一曝光，可能就要捲舖蓋，因為很多公司企業都不喜歡員工之間的戀情；有的甚至明文禁止。他們說員工談戀愛會影響工作。怎麼辦才好？

上面的情況是不是時有所聞？

如果是十幾二十年前，這對鴛鴦可能有解不完的麻煩，還得面對異樣的眼光。然而，現在辦公室的戀情已經越來越普遍，到了大家都不得不正視和承認的地步了。但是為什麼會有這樣的變化？

幾十年以前，要和同事談戀愛可能還不是件容易的事，因為婦女仍然被定位在傳統的角色，在家帶小孩侍公婆；所謂的「同事」大概指的是會一起工作，下班後一起去酒家泡的男性友人。然而現在婦女在人力市場上幾與男性抗衡，而且工作時間比過去長了許多，同事一般又比較有相似的技能，想法，價值觀等等，男女朝夕相處之下，想不發生戀情也難。

工商業心理學家做了許多研究，發現它早是一股擋不住的趨勢，而且主管們也開始對這情況學習睜一隻眼閉一隻眼。有的人甚至會祝福辦公室戀情，希望它能成為公司的助力。

什麼！？成為公司的助力？以前說這話一定被以為是開玩笑或腦筋太簡單，但是現在不一樣了：有研究顯示辦公室戀情，在過了那種「眼中只有你／妳」的迷戀，通向長期穩定的關係之後，兩個人傾向於心情更好，更有效率，更願意為公司努力，也更無後顧之憂。很簡單：婚姻就是一種合作，你若能把工作上的正面合作態度和效率帶進婚姻，那對這個關係有非常大的助益，可以說是一舉兩得。兩個人互相了解對方的價值觀和處世態度，也更能體諒對方，這些都是婚姻的重要因素。

當然，有人（尤其是主管們）會擔心許多事：要是戀情沒成功呢？甚至開始互相攻擊呢？要是有偏心或洩密等等的事發生呢？要是他們整天只管著自己的戀情，心不在工作上呢.....？？？

心理學家的建議是：無論如何，你不可能規定人類的自然感情－－它一定會發生，無可避免。你要公司最帥，單身，又有能力的張三，和坐他鄰座的，公司最美麗性感，孤家寡人，又有辦事效率的美女同事，每天相鄰而坐至少八小時十小時，又發現互相都喜歡養狗，聽一樣的音樂，還有一樣理想的一對，不可以談戀愛，只能談公事？你說可能嗎？人又不是機器！

所以，要做的是如何應付這個情況，而非一廂情願地杜絕。

（續）